Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
