Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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