He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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