I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
