Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
