you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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