so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
