I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize