tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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