Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
