True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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