bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
