I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Also, beer. Big fan.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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