dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
