I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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