she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I don't deserve a penis
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
