I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
you told grandpa to call you daddy
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
