Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
