not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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