so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Sext me about skeletons
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize