I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
