benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
