i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
We're too hungover to prance.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
