Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
