I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
