you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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