I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
