this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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