these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
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