I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
