Don't you send me to vm
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
