Whod you bang
I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Say something about gay babies.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
