Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Randomize
