I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
People in love make me want to vomit
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
