An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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