Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
