My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize