my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
