I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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