I wish I could teleport
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
