we have pet lesbian snakes
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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