I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
