What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
