I wannas sexs uuuuu
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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