i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Randomize
