shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
