I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
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