i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
