Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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