The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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