So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
