How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
