My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
