I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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