every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
