i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
