Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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